happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Farmville is her only friend.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
