Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize