Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
