Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
