As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
