I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
