They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
