Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
two words...techno handjob
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
