Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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