she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
