okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
A bitchslap is in order.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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