you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
