Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
