Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
