Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
