i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
