Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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