she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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