My balls are so social today.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
