I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The Olympian is in my bed
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