Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
