It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
