Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
