I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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