it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
