i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
