we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
