ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
