hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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