she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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