apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
