a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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