So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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