I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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