just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
