question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
