I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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