did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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