I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
