Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
