the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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