oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Someone came in the potted fern
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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