what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize