Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
