remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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