I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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