Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize