i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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