If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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