I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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