So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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