census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize