one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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