Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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