in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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