She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
