You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
