Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
