Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
