I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
well you can't waste a boner
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
