im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
