Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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