We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
