What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Hippo gnu deer
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
