Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
